Seinfeld - Exclamation point

Waging War
A few weeks ago, I participated in an online chat with a friend during which she said something quite amusing. I responded with "HAHAHA!!!" I had no sooner hit "send" than I realized my level of amusement and laughter did not merit such an enthusiastic response. Feeling guilty, I forced myself to laugh out loud about what she had said. Then the guilt set in even more. I realized that with that response, I had failed the English language by succumbing to the temptation to misrepresent my true emotions and reactions by using capitalization and exclamation points in excess when not warranted. I had joined the ranks of those curly-haired, volleyball-playing, white-car-driving ditses named KariAnne who cannot carry on a conversation--written or spoken--without using "lol," "HAHAHA!!!!," "omg," and "like" to fill their already vapid and shallow sentences.

I'd noticed this trend for many years and had resisted it by using proper punctuation and spelling in all my online correspondences and text messages. I derived a great deal of satisfaction and pride from knowing that I was one person who was not contributing to the degeneration of the English language. Yet, in my haste to reply to a text one day, I refrained from using necessary quotation marks. I felt dirty inside. But the trend continued to the point that quotation marks are the punctuation mark I neglect most often. I justify my actions by diligently using other punctuation marks such as the comma and my beloved semicolon. Yet some days I am haunted by the startling premonition of the future of my electronic communications as utterly incomprehensible to the well-read and bred. It scares me.

I have, however, made progress in my recovery. In a recent email from a friend on a mission, at least four of the already very-few lines he had written consisted of the aforementioned "HAHAHA!!!" I had once thought his use of such an exclamation rather sweet and amusing; but today I found it annoying and distracting, an ostentatious testament to his inability to express himself in other, more natural, ways through the written word. What's more, I hardly think he was laughing as uncontrollably and loudly as his punctuation and capitalization would have one believe. This startling trend is merely a reflection of the inability of humans, especially men, to give an accurate portrayal of their emotions through with their writing. And linguists everywhere will tell you that having a command of the written word is the true test of a person's understanding of the language. After this encounter, I vowed to wage war upon the degeneration of the English language.

I have vowed to refrain from ending sentences with prepositions whenever possible, overuse of the exclamation point and/or the abuse and misuse of any other punctuation mark. I vow to explore all the wonderful grammatical intricacies of the English language and to respect and honor strange but correct and complex syntax. I will go to pains to expunge clichés and otherwise insipid phrases from my writing. English today is a fine handkerchief stuck in the mud, and I intend to save her and give her a good washing so that she might once again become a lovely adornment and accessory upon the vestments of my accomplishments and character.