An Open Letter to MLA

Start time: I'll bet you're expecting it by now. Song: Aren't you curious? Mood: Guess



Dear Citations,

I hate you. Period. Because you require me to use so many periods.

In the triumph of reaching the finish, you beckon me with a bony finger "Come hither, you're not quite finished yet."

You ruin the euphoria of every moment, even the climactic declaration of word count or that epic moment when space expands and trees continue to be cut down so I can make you look more "professional," by which you mean "easier for my professor to bleed between the lines."

In all frankness, thanks to google books, you are no longer of any use to me. I can type in virtually and line of text and find exactly what I need. So, let's save a tree and skip the "Works Cited" page. If I wanna know, I'll google it.

You should be more environmentally friendly. Everybody's doing it. You're behind the times, MLA. Old news, I say.

To be completely honest, I've been spurning you for years, making up my own version. Classier, sleeker, easier, lazier. As you can tell by my use of punctuation in this letter, I don't like to follow the rules. I am a non-conformist.

Want to know something else? When I was spurning you for all those years, "doing my own thing" I was also having a torrid affair with APA. I admit it. He was ineffective and impossible in the long run, but initially... initially he was so easy. We had a good run. I was forced to come back to you. Everyone told me you were good for me, but I just didn't see it. Now here I am unable to avoid you.

So, MLA, if this is the way it is going to be, it'll be a bittersweet relationship. I need you, no doubt; but I don't have to like you.

Regret ably yours

End time: Not relevant. Song: Same one to which I've been listening for hours. Mood: ?